children - Sister to Sister

CHILDREN

American Education Falling Behind

According to Wikipedia, “the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development is an intergovernmental economic organization with 36 member countries founded in 1961 to stimulate economic progress and world trade. It is a forum of countries describing themselves as committed to democracy and the market economy, providing a platform to compare policy experiences, seek answers to common problems, identify good practices and coordinate domestic and international policies of its members.”

U.S. Students are ranked 17^th in math, 21^st in science and reading. Only nine percent of American students were ranked as top performers and these students are ranked behind top students in other countries.

Our public schools and many private schools are not adequate. But we have the best cell phones, smartest TVs and fanciest automobiles in the world.

Macho

The 'hand that rocks the cradle and rules the world' can, and should, eliminate macho, one of the major causes of strife in our society.

My daughter calls it pissing against the wall. Male dogs piss against the wall to determine who is boss dog. The one who pisses the highest covers the other dogs' piss with his own and thus becomes lead dog.

Of course, men do not literally piss against the wall now that we have indoor plumbing. Instead, they are bossy, have the fastest car, the biggest television, the larges pay check, and, sadly, the hottest, young wife. This type of thinking is not conducive to a healthy, prosperous society.

Who allows the survival of this stupid trait? We, mothers, allow it and some of us even encourage it because we want our boys to be manly.

Our goal should be to redefine the meaning of macho as well as manly. They should be defined as honorable, supportive, considerate and a lot of other positive things. “I can piss higher on the wall (have the best possessions and most money)” is the definition of a big baby, a spoiled brat, a self centered person.  Do we want our sons, or daughters, to fit this definition? The hand that rocks the cradle should be the hand that teaches all children to be aware of how they treat other people. That should be a true manly, and womanly, definition, one that will improve our world.

Empathy and consideration can be learned. Step one is to encourage observing how others feel by noticing their expressions, their words and the tone of their words. Studies have proved it can be done. Our species is capable of learning amazing things, including empathy and consideration.

Empathy and consideration will help a man, or woman, be a better parent and spouse and a more productive boss or employee.

Helping Others, a Blessed Gift

Helping or saving someone or something is one of the most wonderful and fulfilling actions anyone can take, a blessed gift to one's self. And there are so many choices available from the tiny bees to humans, to the very planet. Much of this 'need' has been created by humans. We are not a nurturing species. Most of us are so interested in that which immediately affects our personal wants and needs that we do not think of those in great need. More people would be helpful if they were aware of the need. If everyone helped someone or something once a year, it would be a glorious world.  

One of my favorite charities is OperationSmile which has created beautiful faces for thousands of children around the world. Cleft lips and palates are repaired, allowing children to eat properly and not hide their faces in fear of ridicule. Any family could be affected by this issue. It can be inherited or acquired though exposure to pollutants, including cigarette smoke, or absents of necessary nutrients such as folic acid.

My cousin had a cleft upper lip. His was not as extreme as it can be, his upper lip was divided like a rabbit's - thus the common term 'hare lipped'. In extreme classes the upper lip can be split and pushed to the sides leaving a space where the upper lip should be and part of the palate can be missing. It can interfere with eating and speaking can be a real challenge. The operation to correct the problem is about forty five minutes. While you are thinking about it, click OperationSmile above and donate a little money, Even if a one time gift is all you can manage, be proud that you helped make a sad little child happier than he or she has ever been. Be a hero to a child in need.

Check out the amazing photos on the Operation Smile website. And while you are there, share you financial blessings. Whatever you donate will be used to change the life of a sad little child.

We have some more organizations you might be intrested in on our Help Needed page.

How athletic will your baby be?

A study was done in Canada because researchers found that children born in certain months were more likely to excel in sports. The answer turned out to be very logical.

Suppose the cut off date to start school is September first. Any child that is six on or before this date starts to school. Your daughter was born on September first so gets to start to school. Your neighbor's son was born September second so must wait until next year.

Your daughter started school when she was barely six. Your neighbor's son started school when he was six years and 364 days. He is one day shy of being a full year older than your daughter when she started school. He is larger, stronger, more experienced and more mature than your daughter was. It will be easier for him to excel in sports than it was for your daughter.

These 'gifted' children are given extra attention and more praise and encouragement than children that are younger so have a big advantage inaddition to age.

Of course, there are always outliers, children that excel against all odds, expecially if they have the encouragement and support of parents. And careful practice can make a big difference.

But parents should remember, a sport is a small part of life and the choice of being involved in sports should belong to the child. The child may decide when she is older to be professional and that is also her choice, not a parents right.

What's in a name

Everyone has a first name, even in the beginning of time. A last name came later.  A last name evolved.  At first it was not a last name but a designation that lets someone know that you are not talking about Henry who is the smithy but Henry who is the kin of Tom. Later, they will be called Henry Smith and Henry Tomkin. As time goes on, the designation name become the family name and last name.

The last name was, and is, the property of males. Women borrow their father's last name until married. Then a women borrows her husband's last name as long as she is married to him. If he dies and she remarries, her last name is changed as she is now borrowing her new husband's last name.

In Asia, genealogy is important. One family can trace their ancestors back a thousand years, but only the males. Female names are totally unknown. Basically, women have only their first name. And during much of our history, married women did not have even a first name. Mary Smith married Tom Jones and became Mrs. Tom Jones. This was the name signed on legal documents. That was the way women signed when I first married.

When I married, using the husband's name with Mrs. in front of it, was how women were know. However, I never used my husband's name with Mrs. in front of it. I used my first name, middle name and his last name with a Mrs. in front.  My husband's first and middle names were not on my birth certificate therefore, I did not use them. While my last name could change, my first and middle name would always be mine and mine to use.

An extended member of my family chose her father's last name (and her maiden name) as the middle name for her son. If all mother's did this with each child, a female family name would be established. There are two ways to do it, John Smith Brown or John Harold Smith-Brown. Either way works. Then when Elsie Marie Smith-Brown marries, she becomes Elisa Marie Smith (mother's last name) Howard or Elisa Marie Smith-Howard.   

Women have been denied so much in the past, it would be nice if we could have a last name of our own to give to our daughters and granddaughters.  It can even be a name by choice and not the maiden name of their mother, which is actually grandfather's last name.

I choose to write under the last name of my father because the women in his family used it as their last name as they had no last name of their own. I use the family name of my matriarchal great grandmother as my first name to honor the women of my mother's family. I write as Rainey Stowers.

Anyone, at anytime, can change any or all of her or his names. It is legal and easy to do. Even if you are married, you can change your last name to any name that pleases you. You can actually have a last name of your very own, one to give to your daughters.

Down with pink and tiaras

The last article about breast reminded me of another pet peeve, my disdain for pink, tiaras and princess costumes on little girls.

Pink is a lovely color. Some of my favorite flowers are pink. Pink looks good on a mature woman and is stunning on a man or boy. In fact, pink was originally worn by boys and men. But on a young girl it gives the wrong message to the girl and those who see her.

Pink on a young girl reinforces the outdated tradition that girls should be quiet, polite and sedate, in other words, girls should be seen and not heard. Why should they be quiet, polite, submissive and sedate? Boys are expected to be out spoken, and active.

Put your daughter in strong colors and teach her to be her strong, independent self. Strong is not the same as rude or obnoxious. Teach her to be a queen, not a princess whose only role in life is to be given to another king's son as a hostage in exchange for cooperation.

A princess marries a man whose language, culture and even religion are foreign to her. A princess is a commodity, not a person. A princess is a slave whose primarily purpose is to produce an heir and a spare for the crown in a foreign land. But, a queen controls her own life. Dress your daughter in a crown and red or purple, colors of power and strength.

Pink is the color of the room violent prisoners are put in to calm them down and make them more sedate and controllable. Maybe that is why little girls are put in pink so they will grow up to be more sedate and controllable.

Little girls, or any female, should not be sedate and controllable.

Dangerous furniture

My twin grandsons, when less than a year old. combined forces to attempt to topple a television on themselves back when televisions were large and could be used as a boat anchor. They repeatedly used their walkers to simultaneously ram the television and the table it was on. I was reminded of that episode while reading a sad article in Consumer Reports about a two and a half year old triplet boy who died after pulling a chest of drawers over on himself.

My grandsons' father immediately anchored the television to the wall. He had already anchored several tall book cases to the wall but thought the television too heavy for the boys to budge. He under estimated the persistence of his sons.  

My new GE stove came with a device to anchor it to the wall. Apparently, tipping stoves are also a possibility, a really scary possibility. If you have small children, or are visited by small children, while you are thinking about it, survey your home for tipping accidents waiting to happen.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has suggestions for preventing tipping furniture along with other valuable information on products that pose a danger especially to children.