woman's - blog - Sister to Sister

April 3, 2019, What's in a name

Everyone has a first name, even in the beginning of time. A last name came later.  A last name evolved.  At first it was not a last name but a designation that lets someone know that you are not talking about Henry who is the smithy but Henry who is the kin of Tom. Later, they will be called Henry Smith and Henry Tomkin. As time goes on, the designation name become the family name and last name.

The last name was, and is, the property of males. Women borrow their father's last name until married. Then a women borrows her husband's last name as long as she is married to him. If he dies and she remarries, her last name is changed as she is now borrowing her new husband's last name.

In Asia, genealogy is important. One family can trace their ancestors back a thousand years, but only the males. Female names are totally unknown. Basically, women have only their first name. And during much of our history, married women did not have even a first name. Mary Smith married Tom Jones and became Mrs. Tom Jones. This was the name signed on legal documents. That was the way women signed when I first married.

When I married, using the husband's name with Mrs. in front of it, was how women were know. However, I never used my husband's name with Mrs. in front of it. I used my first name, middle name and his last name with a Mrs. in front.  My husband's first and middle names were not on my birth certificate therefore, I did not use them. While my last name could change, my first and middle name would always be mine and mine to use.

An extended member of my family chose her father's last name (and her maiden nname) as the middle name for her son. If all mother's did this with each child, a female family name would be established. There are two ways to do it, John Smith Brown or John Harold Smith-Brown. Either way works. Then when Elsie Marie Smith-Brown marries, she becomes Elisa Marie Smith (mother's last name) Howard or Elisa Marie Smith-Howard.   

Women have been denied so much in the past, it would be nice if we could have a last name of our own to give to our daughters and granddaughters.  It can even be a name by choice and not the maiden name of their mother, which is actually grandfather's last name.

I choose to write under the last name of my father because the women in his family used it as their last name as they had no last name of their own. I use the family name of my matriarchal great grandmother as my first name to honor the women of my mother's family. I write as Rainey Stowers.

Anyone, at anytime, can change any or all of her or his names. It is legal and easy to do. Even if you are married, you can change your last name to any name that pleases you. You can actually have a last name of your very own, one to give to your daughters.